People Don’t/Do Change

I’ve heard all my life two incredibly wrong narratives.

“People don’t change.”


“Anyone can change, with enough love and motivation.”

I think both of these have elements of truth, but aren’t quite on track.

The real truth is more like,

“People do change, unavoidably. You simply can’t count on them to change in a particular trajectory.”

Anger, Unforgiveness, and Justification

A lot of things have happened over the course of my life to make me angry. Many people have done things that have hurt me. Some of them meant to, others didn’t. Intentions matter, but they don’t feel like they do.

I said something to my wife tonight that I thought was a valuable realization.

“I am 100% justified in my anger. But I’m 100% unjustified in my unforgiveness.”

I’m marinating on that thought.

Procrastination and Nike

I want to publish. I want to release. But I’m so scared it’s not good enough. Not yet.

My friend Tom Thelen is a youth motivational speaker. We have worked on a number of projects together, including his Victimproof series. Tom is someone I look up to from a personal and business standpoint.

Tom and I had a conversation about this a year and a half ago. I was talking about a book I was working on. It is a good book – but not good enough to publish.

I keep getting caught in that trap. The procrastination trap. It’s easy to do. Lies are easy to believe.

– This isn’t good enough. I can’t take action. I can’t take this and run with it. It’s not worth publishing.
– I will probably be more equipped to write this later. I should write a little bit now but mostly finish it then. Someday.
– I’ll find the time to work on this later.
– I’m not good enough at this kind of thing. Nobody will want to hear what I have to say.
– This is only my 80% best, I know it. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get it to 100% perfect.

Tom said something in response to this that I can’t forget.

“Your 80% best might be someone’s favorite book.”

And it’s true. Ultimately, there comes a time where we have to push our products and projects out of the next and see them fly. They will be fledgeling and ill-equipped and only 80% ready, but they have to go sometime.

It’s not an excuse for releasing sloppy work… But work needs to be finalized sometime.  Probably sooner than you think.


The greatest lesson I’ve learned over the past year is consistency. I’m a jack of all trades, a man of many ideas. Unfortunately, I’ve discovered time and talent are like butter. You can spread them so thin among so many projects that each project is ultimately undeveloped and undervalued.

It’s fun to switch from project to project, but eventually all the projects end up unfinished and abandoned. I don’t want to do that anymore.

That’s where consistent discipline comes in. Seth Godin wrote recently about this in his blog post, SUSDAT: Show Up, Sit Down and Type.

For those of us who are jack of all trades, masters of none, discipline is hard. We like sticking with projects we’re enamored by. But the excitement and glow wears off quickly.

That’s when sticking with it is important.

For now, I’ve limited myself to only two projects.

One is my web design company, LixiMedia. I work on this “project” every day. The nice thing about this is that it’s really a bunch of sub projects, so it satisfies the need to jump from project to project.

The second I haven’t talked about yet. I’m insecure about this project, but I realize if I’m serious about it I will need to release it soon.

More posts to come on this topic.

The Balance in Quitting

Quitting is a balance.

  • As a kid, you’re told not to do it.  “Don’t be a quitter.  Stick it out.  Nobody likes quitters.”
  • As an adult, you’re told the opposite.  “They’re clearly not right for you.  Get out of that relationship.  That’s a deadbeat job.  Give it up.”

But there’s a balance.

  • You can hang on to a toxic situation for so long you burn yourself out and forget what normalcy is like.
  • You can jump ship too early and miss out on something that would have been amazing.

As humans, there’s no way to tell what’s too early or late.  We’re not machines.  We can’t predict the future.  And so, we will always have to wonder and second guess.

  • What if I had stuck it out just a few more months?  Maybe things would have really changed.
  • What if I had quit a long time ago?  Maybe I’d be ahead in a new place in life.
  • What if I quit now?  Will I cause a disaster?  Will it be the best thing I’ve ever done?

There’s no way to know.  But we can do our best to balance on the tightrope.  And we have to be okay with knowing that as humans, we’ll always be leaning one way or the other.

The best thing I’ve found to do is to throw your whole self into something.  Whether you’re writing a resignation letter, a breakup letter, or simply crawling in bed with the same person night after night, coming into work at 8:30 am morning after morning, exhausted from having too much in your schedule.  Whether you’re quitting or not quitting, don’t keep one foot in and one out.

In the end, balance is found in the finality of our decisions and the heart we put into them.

And balance is found in the health of our decisions.

It’s tricky, but balance is vital.